I Got A Call From My Mom

They're Talking About Putting A Woman On The $20 Bill. And Hillary Said, 'i'm Available.'

While I Was Gone, I Had Quintuple Bypass Surgery On My Heart. Plus, I Got A Haircut.

But I Was Thinking About This, The Obamas Want To Adopt A Stray Dog From The Pound. And I Think That Is Admirable. I Believe The Last President To Bring A Stray Dog Into The White House Got Impeached.

Kids In Washington Every Year Have The Big Easter Egg Roll On The White House Lawn. The Kids Found 300 Easter Eggs. They Also Found About 10,000 Missing Hillary Emails.

You Know You've Had Too Much To Eat For Christmas Dinner When You Slump Down Onto A Beanbag And Realize... There Is No Beanbag.