I Got My Lips Chewed Off By

John Kerry Says The 'w' In George W. Bush Stands For 'wrong.' But He Still Can't Explain What John Kerry Stands For.

An Anthropologist At Tulane Has Just Come Back From A Field Trip To New Guinea With Reports Of A Tribe So Primitive That They Have Tide But Not New Tide With Lemon-fresh Borax.

Valentine's Day Money-saving Tips: Break Up On February 13th, Get Back Together On The 15th. In Place Of Bubble Bath, Use Lavender-scented Dish-washing Liquid. Forget Rose Petals. Sprinkle The Bed With Sliced Beets!

I Like Halloween. It Gives You A Chance To Dress Up Like Something You're Not, You Know? Like When The Miami Dolphins Put On Football Uniforms.

Gays Are Now Allowed To Serve Openly In The Military. So Maybe Our Next War Could Be A Musical.