I Had A Chicken Finger That Was

I Read That Mtv's Real World Got 40,000 Applications. That's Amazing, Such An Even Number. You Would Have Thought It Would Be 40,008.

A Fly Was Very Close To Being Called A Land, Because That's What It Does Half The Time.

I Got A Business Card Because I Wanna Win Some Lunches. That's What My Business Card Says: Mitch Hedberg, Potential Lunch Winner. Gimme A Call, Maybe We'll Have Lunch. If I'm Lucky!

When Someone Hands You A Flyer, It's Like They're Saying Here You Throw This Away.

I Wrote A Letter To My Dad - I Wrote, "i Really Enjoy Being Here," But I Accidentally Wrote Rarely Instead Of Really. But I Still Wanted To Use It, So I Wrote, "i Rarely Drive Steamboats, Dad - There's A Lot Of Stuff You Don't Know About Me. Quit Trying To Act Like I'm A Steamboat Operator." This Letter Took A Harsh Turn Right Away.