I Had A Tumor. But It Was

I Am No Fun At All. In Fact, I Am Anti-fun. Not As In Anti-violence, But As In Anti-matter. I Am Not So Much Against Fun - Although I Suppose I Kind Of Am - As I Am The Opposite Of Fun. I Suck The Fun Out Of A Room. Or Perhaps I'm Just A Different Kind Of Fun; The Kind That Leaves On Bereft Of Hope; The Kind Of Fun That Ends In Tears.

There Is Supercomputer Somewhere In The Nevada Desert Whose Sole Function Is To Count The Number Of Times That I Have Said The Following, Because It Is Unquantifiable By Human Minds At This Point, But This Time It’s Really True: I Should Have Stayed Home.

People Are Really Trying Their Best. Just Like Being Happy And Sad, You Will Find Yourself On Both Sides Of The Equation Many Times Over Your Lifetime, Either Saying Or Hearing The Wrong Thing. Let's All Give Each Other A Pass, Shall We?

You Can't Win All The Contests And Then Lose At One Contest And Say, 'why Am I Not Winning This Contest As Well?' It's Random. So Truthfully, Again, Do I Wish It Weren't Me? Absolutely. I Still Can't Make That Logistic Jump To Thinking There's A Reason Why It Shouldn't Be Me.

I Find Life Itself Provides Ample And Sufficient Tests Of My Valor And Mettle: Illness; Betrayal; Fruitless Searches For Love; Working For The Abusive, The Insane, And The Despotic. All Challenges Easily As Thrilling To Me As Scrambling Over Icy Rock In A Pair Of Barely Adequate Boots.