I Had No Idea This Thing Was

President Obama Is Sending A Couple Hundred Troops To Iraq. We Spent Six Years Trying To Figure A Way To Get Out Of Iraq. And Now We're Back. But This Time There Is An Exit Strategy. Barack Obama Has An Exit Strategy. In 2016, He's Gone.

If It Wasn't For Coffee, I'd Have No Discernible Personality At All.

I Don't Like Stand-up Comedy That Requires A Lot Of Props. I Really Respect People Who Can Walk Out Onstage Alone And With No Other Tool But Their Own Minds And Can Make You Laugh And Maybe Even Think A Little.

And How About That Barack Obama? You Know What They're Saying? For The First Time He's Starting To Slip In The Polls. Barack Obama Is Starting To Slip In The Polls. Don't Worry. He's Got A Plan. He's Going To Be To Campaigning In Europe.

I'll Be Honest With You. It's Beginning To Look Like I'm Not Going To Get 'the Tonight Show.'