I Had No Idea This Thing Was

How About Those Olympics, Ladies And Gentlemen. Didn't London Look Like The Place To Be? New York City Was In The Running For This Olympics. But Here's What Happened. We Got Outbribed.

We Are Starting To Learn More About Osama Bin Laden. For His Birthday One Year, Somebody Gave Him A $4 Timex. We Know That. He Is Married To The Daughter Of A Guy Named Mullah Muhammed Omar. I Think Her Name Is Tiffany Omar. Insiders Say That The Marriage Is Not Working Out. Apparently They Are Living In Separate Caves.

All Comedians Are Preoccupied With One Thing And With One Thing Only-themmm-selllves. It's A Horrible Lot In Life.

Newt Gingrich Has Criticized 'new York Elites' Who Ride The Subway. One Of Those Subway Elites Threw Up On My Pants This Morning.

Right After The Show Tonight, I'm Going To The New York City Car Show. You Get To See The Models That Will Be Crashed Next Year By Drunken Secret Service Agents.