I Had, Out Of My Sixty Teachers,

Comic-strip Artists Do Not Make Good Husbands, And God Knows They Do Not Make Good Comic Strips.

A Humorist Is A Person Who Feels Bad, But Who Feels Good About It.

I Wish I Could Stand On A Busy Corner, Hat In Hand And Beg People To Throw Me All Their Wasted Hours. If All You Can See Is Your Shadow, You're Blocking Your Own Light. If I Had My Life To Live Over, I Would Perhaps Have More Actual Troubles But I'd Have Fewer Imaginary Ones.

Intellectuals Should Never Marry; They Won't Enjoy It; And Besides, They Should Not Reproduce Themselves.

I Wish I Were Either Rich Enough Or Poor Enough To Do A Lot Of Things That Are Impossible In My Present Comfortable Circumstances.