I Have A Twelve Year Old Sex

Amy [schumer] And I Each Have Our Cross To Bear When It Comes To Tattoos. Amy And I Are Funny When We Fight. It Just Keeps Escalating Until One Of Us Starts Laughing. Then It's Over. I'm Happy That We're Friends.

I Never Knew If I Would Get My Own Show, But I Knew I Loved Stand-up.

I Was A Weird Kid Because I Liked To Be Alone, But I Craved Attention. It Was Important For Me To Be Cool, But I Couldn't Keep My Mouth Shut. So I Was Either Talking For The Sake Of Talking, Or I Was Curled Up With A Book Somewhere Hiding From Everyone.

Comedy Central Made Me Delete The Boston Marathon Joke. I Wasn't Happy About It But, Despite Popular Belief, I Can Occasionally Be A Team Player.

You Know How Everybody Has That One Weird Creepy Uncle? Well, Seth Green Looks Like He Got Raped By All Of Them.