I Have Been The Guy Who Has

Our Love Is Like A Red, Red Rose... And I Am A Little Thorny.

I Enjoy Fame Except When I'm With My Daughter. Kids Stop Me All The Time And I Don't Want Her To Be Jealous Of The Attention. Also, Sometimes I Just Want To Be Left Alone And I Refuse To Make Rubber Faces. That's When They Start Asking, What's The Matter, Man, Don't You Like Your Job? I Say, Yeah, I Like My Job. But I Also Like Having Sex, And I'm Not Going To Do That In Front Of You Either.

Be Grateful. Find Something To Be Grateful For. Don't Do Too Many Things That Make You Feel Like You Deserve To Lose Because We Do Program Our Own Computers. I Believe There Is A Plus And A Minus Column And If You End Up On The Minus Column, Your Own Conscience Will Make You Lose.

I Wrote Myself A Check For Ten Million Dollars For Acting Services Rendered And Dated It Thanksgiving 1995. I Put It In My Wallet And It Deteriorated. And Then, Just Before Thanksgiving 1995, I Found Out I Was Going To Make Ten Million Dollars For Dumb & Dumber. I Put That Check In The Casket With My Father Because It Was Our Dream Together.

I Want To Be The Greatest Actor That Ever Lived, Frankly. I'd Love That. But I Don't Need To Be. I Just Want To Be Here. That's It.