I Have Just Been All Round The

The British Like Any Kind Of Music So Long As It Is Loud.

Madam, You Have Between Your Legs An Instrument Capable Of Giving Pleasure To Thousands And All You Can Do Is Scratch It.

Elgar's First Symphony Is The Musical Equivalent Of St Pancras Railway Station.

They Are Quite Hopeless - Drooling, Driveling, Doleful, Depressing, Dropsical Drips.

The Trouble With Women In An Orchestra Is That If They're Attractive It Will Upset My Players And If They're Not It Will Upset Me.