I Have The Gift Of Laughter. I

If It's Dirty, It's Not Funny, But If It's Funny, It's Not Dirty.

Ninety-nine Percent Is In The Delivery. If You Have The Right Voice And The Right Delivery, You're Cocky Enough, And You Pound Down On The Punch Line, You Can Say Anything And Make People Laugh Maybe Three Times Before They Realize You're Not Telling Jokes.

Don't Carry A Grudge. While You're Carrying The Grudge, The Other Guys's Out There Dancing.

You Want To Know What Makes Me Tick, I'll Tell You What Makes Me Tick. I Was A Boy Growing Up In Brooklyn; I Read A Two-penny Magazine Called 'the Hawk's Nest.' Nobody Entered That Nest That Didn't Leave A Little Richer And A Little Wiser. And That 11-year-old Boy Said, 'isn't That A Wonderful Thing.' And That's All There Is To It.

A Comedian Sees The World Bent. I'm Tangent To The Circle.