I Hold A Little Fundraiser Every Day.

Anyone Can Read The News To You. I Promise To Feel The News At You.

Cameras Are Dangerous. With No Waiting Period Or Background Check, Any Whack-job Could Just Stroll Into A Wal-mart And Walk Out With A Semi-automatic. Now, For Years I've Been Pressing For Stricter Regulations On Cameras, Especially Around Our Elected Officials. Too Many Political Lives Have Been Cut Short By Some Crazed Shooter.

So If Animals Aren't Our Friends, Then What Are They? The Answer Can Be Summed Up Between Two Buns.

Some People Perceive Me As An Assassin Or At Least Someone Who Can Slip Under Your Guard With A Knife. But If You Watch What I Do, That's Almost Never The Case. I'm Just Trying To Keep The Balloon In The Air. It Rarely Turns Into Anything Combative.

If The Eyes Are The Window To The Soul, Then Why Does It Hurt When I Spray Them With Windex?