I Just Get Excited Doing Shows. Off

Teach Your Kids To Make Deplorable Choices And Hopefully They'll Rebel And Make The Right Ones.

I'm Willing To Write A Check For $10,000 If Someone Can Bring To Me What I Fell Is Ruining Thousands Of Lives, Destroying Lives Everyday. And I Know That You Know It's A Little Thing Called Chupacabra.

My Mom And Dad Passed Away From Cancer. Within Nine Months, I Lost Both Of My Folks. Immediately After That, I Had A Horrible Betrayal Where My Brother, Who Worked For Me, Stole A Lot Of My Money. He's In Jail Now.

When You Are Doing Stand-up Comedy, You Are The Writer, Producer, Director, Sometimes Bouncer.

I'm Watching Some Television Tonight. I'm Watching The Discovery Channel. You Know, This Channel, You Never Ever Plan On Watching This. It Just Happens. You're Flickin' Around, All Of A Sudden - Boom - You're Watching A Mole For An Hour-and-a-half.