I Just Love It When I Hear

I'm Always Relieved When Someone Is Delivering A Eulogy And I Realize I'm Listening To It.

I Think The Warning Labels On Alcoholic Beverages Are Too Bland. They Should Be More Vivid. Here Are A Few I Would Suggest: "alcohol Will Turn You Into The Same Asshole Your Father Was."; "drinking Will Significantly Improve Your Chances Of Murdering A Loved One."; "if You Drink Long Enough, At Some Point You Will Vomit Up The Lining Of Your Stomach."; "use This Product And You May Wake Up In Morocco Wearing A Cowboy Suit And Tongue-kissing A Transmission Salesman."

When I Listen To Those Tapes Now, The Real Cocaine Shows; There's Just Nothing Special About Their Content.

I Say If You're Going To Go For The Angel Bullshit You Might As Well Go For The Zombie Package As Well.

If A Painting Can Be Forged Well Enough To Fool Experts, Why Is The Original So Valuable?