I Just Think It's Sad That The

I Have A Couple Of 'doing Caps' In My Wallet. That's What I Call Condoms.

If Someone Writes Something Shitty And You Actually Address Them, Most Of The Time They're Just Like, "oh, I'm Sorry. I'm A Big Fan." And They're Really Nice People. When You're On The Internet, It's People's First Instinct To Just Go After People.

She Broke Up With Me. Didn't Really Tell Me Why. Luckily When You're The Guy, You Can Just Tell People She's Crazy. 'hey, Tom, I Heard You And Lucy Broke Up.' 'yeah, Man. Turns Out, She's Crazy.' That's What They Always Do On Entourage.

The Hardest Part About Rollerblading Is Telling Your Parents You're Gay.

Oh, Am I Wearing An Ascot? I Didn't Notice.