I Just Want To Find Somebody Special,

There Are People Out There Hiding All Kinds Of Things. People Who Have All This Success And All This Fame And All This Money, And Yet There Are Secrets That They Think If We Found Out About, It Would Be Over For Them. And It's A Horrible Way To Live Whether You're Famous Or Not.

Never Follow Anyone Else's Path, Unless You're In The Woods And You're Lost.

I See Those Picketers, And I Think You Know, If I Weren't A Loving, Non-violent, Spiritual Person, I Would Really Go Over There And Grab Those Signs And Smash Them Over Their Heads And Shove Them Up Their Asses. But...i'm A Loving, Spiritual Person.

I Always Worry When Someone's A Good Golfer. It's Like You Shouldn't Have Time To Be Good At Anything. You Should Just Be A Politician And You Shouldn't Have Time To Practice Golf.

I Was Doing Stand-up At A Restaurant And There Was A Chalkboard On The Street Out Front. It Said, Soup Of The Day: Cream Of Asparagus. Ellen Degeneres.