I Keep A Lighter In My Back

I Saw A Door That Said Exit Only. So I Entered Through It And Went Up To The Guy Working There And Said "i Have Good News. You Have Severely Underestimated That Door Over There. By Like A Hundred Percent."

I Think As A Performer, It Can Be Really Great To Stand On Stage, Especially When You Have More Time, But I Do Think About The Specific People In The Audience, How It's Hard For Them To Get Up And Go To The Bathroom, How They Chose Not To Do Other Things That Night And Have Turned Off Their Phones And Everything. So For That Reason, I Think It's Necessary To Mix It Up And Talk To The Audience.

When I Am Holding A Water Balloon, So Many Things Look So Unnecessarily Dry.

One Thing I Learned Is That It's Never Ok To Walk Through A Cemetery Dressed As A Mummy - Even If That Was A Shortcut On The Way To The Costume Party.

Whenever I Try To Spell 'banana,' I Feel Stupid Because I Don't Know When To End It.