I Killed A Squirrel Once With A

My First Time On Stage Was The Class "graduation" At The Comedy Store. It Was Awesome. Everything Got Huge Laughs And I Just Thought I Knew How To Do Comedy.

She Got Really Mad A Month Ago, Because She Had E-mailed Me A Naked Picture Of Herself - Which Is A Nice Thing To Do - But Then I Messed Up, And I Accidentally Forwarded That E-mail To Both Of My Parents. Now, My Girlfriend Is Furious, Mortified, But I Don't Even Care, 'cause Now I Have To Call Up My Mother And Say 'mom, I Am So Sorry - That Picture Was Just For Dad.'

I've Got A Kid In Africa That I Feed, That I Clothe, That I School, That I Inoculate For 75 Cents A Day. Which Is Practically Nothing Compared To What It Cost To Send Him There.

Do Whatever You Want To Do, Whenever You Want To Do It

I'm Fascinated By Offensive Subject Matter. Always Have Been. It Is Very Natural To Me, As Any Teach I've Ever Had Growing Up Could Attest.