I Knew If I Waited Long Enough,

I Didn't Know If I Was Heterosexual Or Homosexual.

I Didn't Spend Much Time With My Parents When I Was Growing Up.

Dad Sometimes Patted Me On The Knee And Called Me His Little Schmuck.

Being Sent Away To School Was No Different From My Biological Mother Giving Me Away.

I Thought The Secret Service Would Protect Me From The Press, But They Were At My House To Protect Me From Assassins With Guns, Not With Assassins With Pencils.