I Knew Most Of My Radio Listeners

Show Business Is One Of The Few Businesses That The Devil Will Actually Agree To Own Just A Portion Of Your Soul Because He Knows If You Have A Performer's Ego You Were Probably Working For Him All Along.

There Was A Period When I Was Getting A Lot Of Banana Bread, Because I Mentioned Someone Cooked Me Banana Bread, And Then Everyone Cooked Me Baked Stuff, And I Would Take It To The Hotel, And It Was Making Me Fat.

Hopefully Standup Will Become Special Again.

When You're A Kid, You Always Feel You Have This Weird Kindred-spirit Thing With Other Jews, Until You Get Older And You Realize It's Just Middle-class Bourgeois Jews That Sort Of Fit A Template That Your Family Fits Into One Way Or Another.

I’m Glad To Be Part Of The War On Sadness. I’m A Part Time Employee Of The Illusion That Keeps People Stupid.