I Know What My Job Is: I

How Can I Ask Anyone To Love Me When All I Do Is Beg To Be Left Alone?

I Just Don't Really Listen To Music. I'm Probably Missing Out, But I Don't Want To Know What Everybody Else Is Doing. Nobody Is Strong Enough To Not Be Influenced. And I Don't Mean Influenced By Copying - I'd Be Influenced Because I Wouldn't Want To Do What Someone Else Is Doing. I Want To Be Able To Do Whatever I Feel Like Doing And Not Worry About Anything.

I Volunteered At Ucla's Occupational Therapy Ward, Where There Are Lots Of Kids With Autism And Emotional Problems. I Just Wanted To Prove To Myself That I Could Not Break Down And Cry At Everything, And That I Could Just Help Somebody Else. The One Thing I Really Remember Was That When We Would Take Them Out Of The Hospital For A Walk Around Campus, They Would Freak Out The Most When We Were Waiting For The Elevator. I Remember The Guy At The Elevator Said To Himself, "transitions Are The Hardest." And I Said To Myself, "transitions Are Always The Hardest."

It Pisses Me Off To Think We're Conditioned To Push Away Bad Feelings And Think Anything That's Uncomfortable Is To Be Avoided. When Things Are Really Bad Nowadays, I Recognize The Value In It Because It's Me Filling My Quota- It's Going To Make My Joy More Intense Later.

I Read On The Internet That I Was Dead.