I Like My Coffee Hot And Strong.

I've Wiped The File? .... I've Wiped All The Files? .... I've Wiped The Internet? I Don't Even Have A Modem!

My Stand-up Is Quite Good Now, People Say. It's Just Like A Big Conversation Each Time. Every Gig Is A Rehearsal.

You Piss Me Off You Salmon... You're Too Expensive In Restaurants.

But Puberty Was... Well, Before Puberty, At School, I Didn't Tell Kids I Was A Transvestite 'cause I Thought They Might Kill Me With Sticks, You Know?

You Notice How They Always Put The Fruit And Veg At The Entrance To The Supermarket? You Go In Thinking 'this Is A Fresh Shop, Everything In Here Is Fresh! I Will Do Well To Shop Here'. You Never Go Straight To The Bit With The Toilet Paper, Loo Brushes And Such Do You? You'd Think 'this Is A Poo Shop! Everything In Here Is Themed On Poo!