I Like To Think Of Bread As

I'm Closer To Bob Newhart Than Rodney Dangerfield.

I Saw This College Team Bowling Championship. Each Team Had Their Own Coach. What Kind Of Strategy Advice Is A Bowling Coach Giving? "you Know What? This Time Timmy, I Want You To Knock Down All The Pins." "you Sure?" "trust Me. Just Do It Son!"

I Think When I Started Doing Stand-up, That's When I Really Tried To Question Everything In My Belief System Which Is - I Think A Pretty Important Part Of Being A Comedian Is Really Questioning Things.

Babies Should Be Classified As An Antidepressant. It's Pretty Hard To Be In A Bad Mood Around A 5-month-old Baby.

This City Has So Many Beautiful Women. I Fall In Love Like Every Ten Minutes, I'm Sitting On The Subway, I'm Like, "there's My Wife... There She Is - Oh, She's Getting Off. All Right, There's The Woman - All Right, That's A Man."