I Love Being Married. It's So Great

Natural Childbirth Scares Me. I Think Before You Have Natural Childbirth You Should Find Out How Big The Baby Is. Three Pounds -- Natural Childbirth. Anything Over Three Pounds -- Heroin.

Waiters And Waitresses Are Becoming Nicer And Much More Caring. I Used To Pay My Check, They Would Say "thank You." That's Now Escalated Into "you Care Care Of Yourself, Now." The Other Day I Paid My Check And The Waiter Said, "don't Put Off That Mammogram."

I Suffer From Peroxide Phobia. Every Time I've Gotten Near A Blond Woman, Something Of Mine Has Disappeared. Jobs, Boyfriends... One Time An Angora Sweater Leaped Right Off My Body.

I Never Know What To Get My Father For His Birthday. I Gave Him A Hundred Dollars And Said, 'buy Yourself Something That Will Make Your Life Easier.' So He Went Out And Bought A Present For My Mother.

I Want To Have Children, But My Friends Scare Me. One Of My Friends Told Me She Was In Labor For 36 Hours. I Don't Even Want To Do Anything That Feels Good For 36 Hours.