I Love Fishing. It's Transcendental Meditation With

There's No Such Thing As Bad Weather - Only The Wrong Clothes.

I Don't Think I've Ever Died On Stage. I've Had Jokes That Died On Stage. I've Told A Joke And Absolutely Nothing. They Didn't Know It Was The End Of The Joke.

I'm A Big Fan Of The Mars Bar Diet. You Don't Eat The Mars Bar, You Stick It Up Your Arse And Let A Rottweiler Chase You Home.

Once You Become Successful, People Know Where You Live, The Type Of House You Live In, The Kind Of Car You Drive, The Clothes You Wear, And So It Would Be Patronising To Go And Talk Like A Welder. Welding's A Mystery To Me Now. You Can't Go Back, Your Life Changes Every Day.

I'd Always Been Scared Of People With Tertiary Education And High Intellects In Case They Found Me Wanting. I Thought They Viewed Me As Just A Welder Who Knew A Few Jokes.