I Love The Earth. If You Ask

Here's How It Works: The President Makes Decisions. He's The Decider. The Press Secretary Announces Those Decisions, And You People Of The Press Type Those Decisions Down. Make, Announce, Type. Just Put 'em Through A Spell Check And Go Home. The Greatest Thing About This Man Is He's Steady. You Know Where He Stands. He Believes The Same Thing Wednesday That He Believed On Monday, No Matter What Happened Tuesday. Events Can Change; This Man's Beliefs Never Will.

People Would Say, "oh, You Say You Just Do Jokes." I Don't Just Do Jokes. I Do Jokes. Jokes Are Important. They Saved My Life When I Was Younger. Hopefully We're Making Things Nicer At The End Of The Day For People. That's The Entire Goal, And That's The Touchstone And The North Star For The Tone.

Facts Matter Not At All. Perception Is Everything. It's Certainty. People Love The President Because He's Certain Of His Choices As A Leader, Even If The Facts That Back Him Up Don't Seem To Exist. It's The Fact That He's Certain That Is Very Appealing To A Certain Section Of The Country. I Really Feel A Dichotomy In The American Populace. What Is Important? What You Want To Be True, Or What Is True?

Baby Carrots Are Making Me Gay.

Agnostics Are Just Atheists Without Balls.