I Love The Tea Party. They Are

Life Is Not Like A Box Of Chocolates Unless There's A Few Turds In The Box.

Please Stop Assuming That Longevity And Perfect Health Is Always The Correct Option. No. Sometimes Fun Costs Ya. It Just Does, You Know? And That's Ok, You're Willing To Make That Purchase. Sammy Davis, Jr. Was 64 When He Died. Give Me 64 Sammy-years, I'll Be Happy.

Tea-baggers Love The Truth. They Just Hate Facts.

When You Get People Who Are Out Of Office, Suddenly Their Tongues Loosen Up And Suddenly They Say The Things That You Wish They'd Said Or Did When They Were In Office.

When I Do Stand-up Around The Country, I Often See People Walk Out. This Is A Show That They've Purposely Gone To, Where My Name Is On The Ticket, And It Cost Them $75 Or Something. So, You Think, Wow, That Means That They Either Didn't Know Very Much About Me When They Bought Their Tickets Or They're That Offended By What I've Said. I've Been Doing This A Long Time. Anybody Who Comes To One Of My Shows Must Sort Of Have An Idea Of Where I'm Coming From.