I'm A Big Boy, But I Can

I'm All About Showing People That I'm A Little Messed Up, I Have A Lot Of The Same Problems You Have. By Exposing Myself And Putting Myself Out There, People Can Relate To Me And My Act Won't Grow Stale. I Mean, Nobody Wants To Hear A Comedian Say, 'life Is Great.'

I Wanted To Be A Comedian, And This Is What I'm Doing. If I Can Keep This Going, I'm Happy.

When I Was A Kid I Did Impressions And Funny Voices A Lot. When I Was Telling A Story I Would Use The Voices To Make It More Entertaining.

I Went Up On Stage, And Said, "why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? To Check Out The Chicks." I Was A Genius At 10. Try Telling That At 21, And You Look Hacky And Stupid. That Was The Only Joke I've Ever Told. Everything Since Has Been Character Voices, Doing Impressions Or Just Telling Stories.

Walgreens, Rite Aid, Cvs And Wal-mart Have All Figured Out The Evolution Of Life And They Grabbed All The Products That Are Necessary For A Life. And They Stuck Them In One Aisle And They Put Them In Order According To How You Mess Up... First Thing You're Going To See: Condoms. Next To That: Lubricant. Next To That: Pregnancy Test. Next To That: Pampers. Next To That: Formula. And At The End Of The Aisle They Sell Beer.