I'm A Rap Comedian The Same Way

Even If You Meet The Perfect Person, It Ain’t Gonna Be At The Perfect Time. You’re Married, They’re Single. That’s Right. You’re Jewish, They’re Palestinian. You’re A Mexican, They’re A Raccoon. You’re A Black Woman, He’s A Black Man.

I Say Everything's About Company. A Gourmet Meal With An Asshole Is A Horrible Meal. A Hot Dog With An Interesting Person Is An Amazing Meal.

You're Not Famous Unless People's Mothers Know Who You Are. Everybody Else, You Think You're Famous, But You're Just Hot, And Heat Cools Off.

Women Need Food, Water, And Compliments That's Right. And An Occasional Pair Of Shoes.

Guys Play Characters That Won't Grow Up And Something Catastrophic Happens And They Have To Grow Up To Save The Day - That's Pretty Much What Today's Comedy Is About.