I'm Allergic To Dogs, So I Couldn't

Oftentimes, When People Write Me 4,000-word Letters, I Write Them Back And Tell Them If Their Problem's That Complicated, They Probably Need A Lawyer Or A Cop, And Not Me.

Sedaris, In His Essay In The It Gets Better Book, Writes That When He Was Growing Up Nobody Called Him Gay Because You Might As Well Have Called Him A Warlock. Nobody Knew What Gay Was.

Don't Move To Seattle And Write A Stupid Sex Advice Column. That's A Waste Of Time And You Need To Grow Up And Get Serious.

First Off, Lardass, You Neglected To Include A Sign-off, Forcing Me To Create One For You. I Tried To Create One That Captured The Spirit And Tone Of Your Letter, And I Think I Did Pretty Well. [] I Am Thoroughly Annoyed At Having My Tame Statements Of Fact-being Heavy Is A Health Risk; Rolls Of Exposed Flesh Are Unsightly-characterized As “hate Speech.”

The Mistake That Straight People Made Was Imposing The Monogamous Expectation On Men. Men Were Never Expected To Be Monogamous.