I'm Always Stunned When I Find Out

Being Short Never Bothered Me For Three Seconds. The Rest Of The Time I Wanted To Commit Suicide.

When I Was A Little Kid At Home, I Thought The Whole World Was Jewish. For Years I Thought Roosevelt Was Jewish. I Loved Him. I Thought Of Him As My Father. I'm Always Stunned When I Find Out That People Like Roosevelt And Tolstoy Weren't Jewish. How Could I Love Them So Much?

I Love [nikolai] Gogol's Great Eye For Idiot Behavior. Gogol Said That Life Is So Tragic, So Stupendously Sad That We'd Better Laugh A Lot And Enjoy Ourselves. You Either Get A Sense Of Humor Going Or You Go Under.

I Was Born On The Kitchen Table. We Were So Poor My Mother Couldn't Afford To Have Me; The Lady Next Door Gave Birth To Me.

Bad Taste Is Simply Saying The Truth Before It Should Be Said.