I'm Careful With Money.

The Most Popular Valentine's Day Gift Is Chocolate. In The 1800's, Doctors Told Their Patients To Eat Chocolate To Get Over A Broken Heart. They Also Thought If You're Going To Be Alone, Who Cares If You Get Fat.

This Is My First Week As An American Citizen. It's Amazing. Now I Can Vote In The General Election - And For American Idol.

Osama Bin Laden's Death Has Been In The News All Day. Leftish Stations Are Going, 'president Obama Saves The World.' Stations On The Right Are Going, 'obama Kills Fellow Muslim.'

You Know, Where I Come From, An Antique, To Be Called An Antique, It Has To Be At Least A Hundred Years Old. That's A Law: Before You Can Call Something An Antique, It Has To Be A Hundred Years Old. In L.a., Something That's Been Around For A Couple Of Weeks Is An Antique. It's True! People Are Like, Look At This Old-fashioned Ipod. Look At This! It's The Size Of A Man's Hand! Ha Ha Ha Ha. Back Then-back Then, People Thought Mel Gibson Was Just Acting Crazy. It Was A Very Different Time.

People Sometimes Say To Me: "craig, Get Out Of My Garden."