I'm Careful With Money.

In Washington, The U.s. House Passed A Bill Unanimously. Every Single Member Of Both Parties Voted For It. What Was It? To Deny Social Security Benefits To Nazis. So From Now On, No Ss For The Ss.

I'm Gonna Enjoy Being Old I Think I'll Be Awesome At It.

Every Year Law Schools Churn Out Thousands Of Lawyers. We Don't Need Any More Lawyers. We Need More Lawyers Like We Need More Talk-show Hosts.

I Don't Drink Anymore For Cinco De Mayo. I Celebrate With Mexican Food, Or As It's Known In Mexico: 'food.'

Scotland Is A Much Lighter And More Fun Place Than I Thought It Was. I Was Miserable When I Was There. But It Wasn't Scotland's Fault. It Was My Circumstances. I Was - I Hate To Say The Word Humbled - But That's What It Felt Like. I Was Wrong About This Place. This Is A Great Place Full Of Very Fun People.