I'm Getting Fat ... As I Planned.

I'd Have To Say Sunset Salsa. Nothing Against Honey Lime, But It's For Losers.

I Never Went To Church When I Was In College, Either.

I Don't Have Any Delusions. I'm Not A Novelist - I'm A Comedian Who Writes. I Love Doing The Stand-up And The Touring And The Albums And All That, But It's Pretty Amazing To Go Into A Library And See Your Book There.

Comedians Kind Of Write What Comes To Them. You Can Give Yourself Little Assignments, But It's What Inspires You.

As A Dad, You Are The Vice President Of The Executive Branch Of Parenting. It Doesn't Matter What Your Personality Is Like, You Will Always Be Al Gore To Your Wife's Bill Clinton. She Feels The Pain And You Are The Annoying Nerd Telling Them To Turn Off The Lights.