I'm Jewish, But I'm Totally Not.

Sometimes Loving Each Other Isn't Enough. You Have To Be Responsible For Your Own Happiness. You Can't Stay In A Relationship Because You're Afraid Of The Unknown.

I Think Maybe I Became Funny Because As A Kid, I Was A Jew In A Town Of No Jews, And Being Funny Just Instinctively Came About As A Way To Put People At Ease Around Me.

If You Take A Shower With Your Boyfriend, I Guarantee By The Time You Step Out Of That Shower, Your Breasts Will Be Sparkling Clean.

I Dress Normal Because I Want People To Treat Me Regular. And Their Brains Explode. It's Really Fun.

When God Gives You Aids - And God Does Give You Aids, By The Way - Make Lemonaids.