I'm Like Will Rogers, I Never Met

I Began My Show Business Career Playing Violin In San Francisco At The Corner Of Market And Taylor. I Understand That There Is A Theater There Now.

I Practice Three Hours Daily On My Violin So I Won't Get Worse.

A Rich Man Is One Who Isn't Afraid To Ask The Salesperson To Show Him Something Cheaper.

When Another Comedian Has A Lousy Show, I'm The First One To Admit It.

I'm An Old Newspaper-man Myself, But I Quit Because I Found There Was No Money In Old Newspapers.