I'm Not A Fan Of The Facts.

Cain Understands Domestic Issues Because He Had Experience Selling Pizza; And He Understands International Issues Because Pizza Is Italian.

Thirty Seconds Is The Exact Amount Of Time Americans Can Tolerate Something They Don't Understand.

Here's How It Works: The President Makes Decisions. He's The Decider. The Press Secretary Announces Those Decisions, And You People Of The Press Type Those Decisions Down. Make, Announce, Type. Just Put 'em Through A Spell Check And Go Home. The Greatest Thing About This Man Is He's Steady. You Know Where He Stands. He Believes The Same Thing Wednesday That He Believed On Monday, No Matter What Happened Tuesday. Events Can Change; This Man's Beliefs Never Will.

Here's An Easy Way To Figure Out If You're In A Cult: If You're Wondering Whether You're In A Cult, The Answer Is Yes.

Turn Up Your Hearing Aid 'grandpa', Because I'm Only Going To Say This Once!