I'm Not Going To Benefit From Free

I'm Pretty Happy. I Obviously Have Complaints About Things, But For The Most Part, I'm On The Above-average Side Of Happy People.

[on The Dating Handbook] 'with A Telescope, Some Munchies, And A Warm Blanket, Watch For Halley's Comet.' Yeah. I Like That. There's No Time Limit. Just Sit There And Grow Old Together.

I Just Did 101 Shows In 86 Different Cities In America And Europe And Canada, And I'm Not Lying Or Exaggerating When I Say, At The Vast Majority Of Shows, They Loved It. There Were Encores, There Were Standing Ovations.

I Know This Is Obviously Biased As Well, But In My Twitter Feed, On My Facebook, 90 Percent Are Gushing, Glowing, "thank You For Doing That" - Type Of Reviews. "it's Ballsy, It's Honest, It's Hilarious" - That Kind Of Stuff. Obviously Those Are Fans.

All My Friends Are Always Telling Me How Hard It Is To Have Kids. 'oh, David, It's So Hard.' That's Not Hard. I'll Tell You What Hard Is. Try Talking Your Girlfriend Into Her Third Consecutive Abortion. Yeah, That's Hard, That Takes Finesse. You're Just Inconvenienced.