I'm Not The Guy With The Enormous

If Your Parents Never Had Children, Chances Are... Neither Will You.

Being The Offspring Of English Teachers Is A Mixed Blessing. When The Film Star Says To You, On The Air, 'it Was A Perfect Script For She And I,' Inside Your Head You Hear, In The Sarcastic Voice Of Your Late Father, 'perfect For She, Eh? And Perfect For I, Also?'

I Did Standup While Still Working For Johnny Carson In The Mid-'60s, Thus Gaining The Advantage Of At Least Getting Laughs From Him About How I Hadn't The Night Before.

The Information Superhighway? That Sounds Like A Place That's Long And Boring And Kills 50,000 People A Year.

I Guess The Best Advice I Ever Got Or Anyone Could Get For Doing A Talk Show, Though It Has Not Been Easy Very Often, Was From Jack Paar, Who Said, 'kid, Don't Make It An Interview. Interviews Have Clipboards, And You're Like David Frost. Make It A Conversation.'