I'm Personally Not Into A Guy Who

It's Funny How People Will Think I'm Being Sarcastic A Lot And Joking. So I'll Say, "i Like Your Dress," And They'll Go "(bleep) You!" Or I Say Something Serious And They Go, "oh, Yeah, Ha-ha." They're Strangers. They're People Who Know Me From Comedy, But Luckily I Am On Pretty Much All The Time!

As A Kid, I Was Terrified. I Was A Bed Wetter And I Had To Go To Sleepaway Camp Every Summer, Which Was Humiliating And Terrifying. I Had Lots Of Insecurities And Scaredness. I Covered It With Being Funny And Tough, But It's Hard To Be Tough When You're Making Your Cot In Your Bunk Over Soaking Wet Sheets And Acting Like Nobody Can Smell Anything.

I Do Love Poop. I Can't Help It. The Heart Wants What It Wants. I Enjoy Being Clever And Pithy And Political, But Nothing's Going To Get Me Like Dumb Stuff.

Everyone Self-googles. And, I Have, Of Course, The Google Alert.

I Don't Want To Deconstruct What I Do.