I'm Thankful That My Memory Is Good

What Moron Said That Knowledge Is Power? Knowledge Is Power Only If It Doesn't Depress You So Much That It Leaves You In An Immobile Heap At The End Of Your Bed.

My Problem, I Try To Teach My Kids To Eat Healthy Food. But You Get A Cantaloupe, And You Don't Know When It's Going To Come Of Age. You Have No Idea - That Period Between When It's Like, Hard As A Rock To When It's Smushy Inside, Is About Ten Minutes.

I Mean, I Do Love Clever And Witty, But I Think That The 'three Stooges' Were Geniuses. They'd Have To Be For Their Appeal To Have Lasted This Long.

The Pleasure Of The Mulch Pile Is Incomprehensible. I Wouldn't Care If They Just Hauled The Mulch To The Landfill Somewhere. Obviously, Grass Clippings Are Biodegradable, But When They're Bunched Together At The Landfill, They Become Badly Influenced By Other Garbage.

I Don’t Believe For A Second That Weightlifting Is A Sport. They Pick Up A Heavy Thing And Put It Down Again. To Me, That’s Indecision.