I Met This Girl, She Was An

I Don't Need A Receipt For A Doughnut. I'll Just Give You The Money, And You Give Me The Doughnut. End Of Transaction! We Don't Need To Bring Ink And Paper Into This! I Can't Imagine A Scenario Where I'd Have To Prove That I Bought A Doughnut. Some Skeptical Friend...'don't Even Act Like I Didn't Buy That Doughnut! I've Got The Documentation Right Here! Oh, Wait, It's Back Home, In The File. Under D...for Doughnut.'

I Have A Friend Who Is A Juggler. If I'm At His House, I Don't Like To Take Food From Him, If It's In Threes. He Has Three Apples Left, I Guess I Can't Have One. I Wouldn't Want To Screw Up His Practice Routine.

I Play The Guitar. I Taught Myself How To Play The Guitar, Which Was A Bad Decision... Because I Didn't Know How To Play It, So I Was A Shitty Teacher. I Would Never Have Went To Me.

I Had A Box Of Ritz Crackers, And On The Back Of The Box, They Had All These Suggestions For What To Put On Top Of The Ritz. Try It With Cheese. Try It With Peanut Butter. Come On, Man, They're Crackers, That's Why I Got Them. I Like Crackers! I Didn't Buy Them Because They're Little Edible Plates!

I Went To A Heavy Metal Concert. The Singer Yelled Out, "how Many Of You People Feel Like Human Beings Tonight?" And Then He Said, "how Many Of You Feel Like Animals?" The Thing Is, Everyone Cheered After The Animals Part, But I Cheered After The Human Beings Part Because I Did Not Know There Was A Second Part To The Question.