I Never Set Out To Do A

I Like To Go To Concerts Because I Love To See My Favorite Band Through The Phone Of The Asshole Who's Standing In Front Of Me.

I Just Found Out That I Have More Allies Than America!

My Plumbing Is All Screwed Up. Because It Turns Out, I Do Not Own A Garbage Disposal.

One Time I Saw An Old Man In A Hurry And I Thought, 'that Makes Sense.'

When I Dropped Out [from A Law School], Everybody Was Disappointed... But I Found That Disappointing People Is A Good Thing, Because Disapproval Is Freedom. Before That, I Never Realized How Much I Sought Other People's Approval. Once I Figured That Out, I Was Free To Move On And Seek The Approval Of Other People, In Comedy Clubs And Showbiz Meetings.