I Never Set Out To Do A

I Got Some New Pajamas With Pockets In 'em. Which Is Great, Because Before That, I Used To Have To Hold Stuff When I Slept. But Now I'm Like, 'where's My Planner? There It Is. "keep Sleeping." All Right, Perfect.'

You Are Ten Times More Likely To Get Hit By A Car When The Driver Is Aiming For You.

Automatic Paper Towel Dispensers Are A Solution To Something That Was Never A Problem In The First Place.

Coffee Is Like A Bra. 3 Cups Is One Too Many.

Suicide Is The #1 Killer Of A Person Who Is In A Boat And Happens To Be Passing Under A Bridge At The Wrong Time.