I Once Spent A Year In Philadelphia,

I Was Married Once--in San Francisco. I Haven't Seen Her For Many Years. The Great Earthquake And Fire In 1906 Destroyed The Marriage Certificate. There's No Legal Proof. Which Proves That Earthquakes Aren't All Bad.

Never Give A Sucker An Even Break.

When We Have Lost Everything, Including Hope, Life Becomes A Disgrace, And Death A Duty.

If I Had My Life To Live Over Again, I'd Live Over A Saloon.

The Work I'm Doing On The Screen Differs From That Of Anyone Else. My Comedy Is Of A Peculiar Nature...no Writers Have Been Developed Along The Lines Of My Type Of Comedy And This Is Why I Sometimes Have Differences With Writers, Supervisors And Directors Alike.