I Remember When I Was A Kid

And Speaking Of Sex, The Immaculate Conception Does Not Mean Jesus Was Conceived In The Absence Of Sex. It Means Mary Was Conceived Without Original Sin. That's All It Has Ever Meant. And According To The Tabloids, Mary Is Apparently The Only One Who Can Make Such A Claim. The Jesus Thing Is Called Virgin Birth.

There Are Ten Thousand People In The United States In A Persistent Vegetative State. Just Enough To Start A Small Town. Think Of Them As Veggie-burghers.

I Have Lots Of Ideas. Trouble Is, Most Of Them Suck.

I Noticed That All The Prayers I Used To Offer To God, And All The Prayers I Now Offer To Joe Pesci, Are Being Answered At About The Same 50% Rate. Half The Time I Get What I Want, Half The Time I Don't... Same As The Four-leaf Clover And The Horseshoe...same As The Voodoo Lady Who Tells You Your Fortune By Squeezing The Goat's Testicles, It's All The Same: 50-50. So Just Pick Your Superstition, Sit Back, Make A Wish, And Enjoy Yourself.

We Are All Precancerous.