I Saw This Wino, He Was Eating

When I Was A Boy, I Laid In My Twin-sized Bed And Wondered Where My Brother Was.

I Love My Fed-ex Guy Cause He's A Drug Dealer And He Don't Even Know It...and He's Always On Time.

When You're Doing A Show On Stage, And They Show You A Red Light, That Means You Have 5 Minutes Left. At Some Clubs, They Hold A Candle Up In The Back. That's The Worst Method. You're Up Here, And Then You See A Floating Candle. "oh, No! This Place Is Haunted!" I Can't Be Funny When I'm Frightened.

I Had My Palm Read. I Wrote Something On It First To See If She Would Read That Too.

An Escalator Can Never Break: It Can Only Become Stairs.