I Spent A Lot Of Time Waiting

I Thought We Had Reached An Understanding, The Institution Of Marriage And I. Weddings Are Like The Triathalon Of Female Friendship: The Shower, The Bachelorette Party, And The Main Event. It's The Iron Woman And Most People Never Make It Through. They Fall Of Their Bikes And Choke On Ocean Water.

You Feel Like Telling Him You're Not Single In The Way That He Thinks You're Single. After All, You Have Yourself.

I Was Compiling A List In My Head Titled 'reasons To Get Up: You Don't Have To Leave, But You Can't Pee Here.

Since Graduation, I Have Measured Time In 4-by-5-inch Pieces Of Paper, Four Days On The Left And Three On The Right. Every Social Engagement, Interview, Reading, Flight, Doctor's Appointment, Birthday And Dry-cleaning Reminder Has Been Handwritten Between Metal Loops.

The Children Were Overwhelmingly Morbid. Not A Single Adult Asked Me Where Butterflies Go When They Die, But This Question Was More Popular Than Pixie Sticks With The Under-four-foot Set. I Cursed Parents For Not Preparing Their Children. When I Was Five, My Mother And Sister Sat Me Up On The Kitchen Counter And Explained The Facts Of Life: The Easter Bunny Didn't Exist, Elijah Was God's Invisible Friend, With Any Luck Nana Would Die Soon, And If I Ever Saw A Unicorn, I Should Kill It Or Catch It For Cash. I Turned Out Okay.