I Still Don't Know How To Cook

It's Interesting, Because I Tend To Trust A Man With Big Ears.

Hypocrisy Is Great Fodder For Comedy.

Irony Is The Disparity Between What You Expect Will Happen, And What Does Happen. So Raining On Your Wedding Day Isn't Ironic, It's Just Crappy. It Would Have Been Ironic If She Had Lived In A Place Like Seattle, And Traveled To The Desert Of Mexico For A Wedding And It Ended Up Raining There, But Not In Seattle. Alanis Always Gets The Last Laugh Though. We All Sit Here, Saying Her Song Isn't Ironic, But In Fact, That's Pretty Ironic That She Wrote A Song Called Ironic That Wasn't Really Ironic. Those Canadians Are Pretty Crafty.

I Have A Keurig Coffee Maker, Which Is Really Kind Of A Luxury. It Was Given To Me By An Ex. I Realized When I'm Feeling Sentimental, I'll Gently, Tenderly Press The Button. Then When I Remember He Dumped Me, I Punch It.

I'd Rather Call Myself A Mischief-maker, An Imp, Rather Than A Satirist. Satirist Sounds So Self Important. Plus No One Is Calling Himself An Imp Right Now. It Makes Me Feel Special.