I Tell You, The Economy Is In

Today Arnold Schwarzenegger Made Another Major Announcement. He Said His Lieutenant Governor Will Be Xena, Warrior Princess.

In His Big Victory Speech Last Night, Senator Kerry Said That He Wanted To Defeat George Bush And The 'economy Of Privilege.' Then He Hugged His Wife, Teresa, Heir To The Multi-million Dollar Heinz Food Fortune.

John Kerry Was The Big Winner In Iowa. Ted Kennedy Introduced Kerry As The 'comeback Kid.' That Used To Be Bill Clinton's Name - Because Every Time He Would Come Back To A City, He Would Find Out If He Had A Kid Or Not.

This Problem With Illegal Immigration Is Nothing New. In Fact, The Indians Had A Special Name For It. They Called It "white People."

A Second Homeland Security Official Has Been Arrested, A 49-year-old Guy Named Frank Figueroa, He Was Caught Exposing And Fondling Himself To A Teenage Girl In A Shopping Mall In Florida. Do You Realize? If Osama Bin Laden Was A 14-year Old Girl, We Would Have Had Him By Now. ... Who Is Going To Start Protecting Us From The Department Of Homeland Security? ... It Kind Of Makes You Long For The Good Old Wholesome Days Of The Clinton Administration.