I Think I've Lost 3lbs - I'm

That Baby Is So Ugly... I've Never Seen A Six-month-old So Desperately In Need Of A Wax.

I’ve Had So Much Plastic Surgery, When I Die They Will Donate My Body To Tupperware.

I Love Gay And Lesbian Parents. But I Think We Need A Law That Says Lesbians And Gay Men Have To Raise Their Children Together. This Way, The Kids Would Not Only Know How To Build Bookshelves, But They'd Also Instinctively Know How To Decorate Them.

I Wish I Could Tell You It Gets Better. It Doesn't Get Better. You Get Better.

Having A Baby Is Definitely A Labor Of Love.