I Think Mankind Is Overly Sensitive, Very

As The Democrats Get Revved Up At Their Convention In Boston, President Bush Is Fighting Back The Only Way He Knows How: By Going On Vacation! Ah, It's Nice To Take A Rest, Replenish Your Supply Of Smirks. The Vacation Was Expected, Because Bush Traditionally Takes A Month Off Every Summer To Relax And Avoid Reading National Security Warnings.

There Was An Embarrassing Moment At A Recent Democratic Fundraiser. When John Kerry Was Handed A $10 Million Dollar Check, He Said, 'i Do.'

Over Ten Thousand People Have Signed A Petition To Recall Governor Schwarzenegger. I'm Sorry, That Is Next Year's Joke.

With Iraq Plunging Into Chaos And Gas Prices At Record Highs President Bush Took Time Out This Weekend For A Ride On His Bicycle, But Unfortunately He Fell Off And Sustained Cuts To His Face And Hands. Apparently Bush Was Distracted By The Enormous Responsibilities Of The Presidency. I'm Just Kidding. He Hit Some Gravel Or Something.

My Brother Asked Me Once, 'are You A Misanthrope?' And I Said, 'no, I Just Find People Irritating.'