I Think Of My Body As A

How Many People Here Have Telekenetic Powers? Raise My Hand.

Sex Is Logically Impossible After Marriage. You Have To Overcome The Paradox Of Not This Again, And Hey, Where Did You Learn That?

My Dad And I, We Used To Play Baseball. I Was The Catcher. Which I Liked. Until One Day, I Saw This Game On Tv, And I Said, Hang On, How Come Their Catcher Doesn't Have His Hands Tied To His Ankles?

When I Was A Kid My Parents Used To Tell Me, "emo, Don't Go Near The Cellar Door!" One Day When They Were Away, I Went Up To The Cellar Door. And I Pushed It And Walked Through And Saw Strange, Wonderful Things, Things I Had Never Seen Before, Like... Trees. Grass. Flowers. The Sun... That Was Nice... The Sun.

I Ran Five Miles Today. Then, Finally, I Said, 'here, Lady...take Your Purse.'